A Day in the Rose Garden of Good & Evil
Everyone Loves Mamoru

A Parody Fic by Bastion

[In the mysterious darkness, a young man sits by the dim light of a lamp. Just beyond its glow, a man is seated sipping his hot tea. The younger gent scratches his head  in contemplation before figuring out where the record button is on his tape
player. His older male compatriot sets down his cup on the table next to the recorder and begins his monologue when he's
sure the machine is spinning the tape.]

Bastion:  Good evening, Mr. Chiba.

Mamoru:  Good evening.

Bastion:  You can begin anytime you're ready.

[The older man clears his throat.]

Mamoru:  I would like to set something straight here with the world.

Bastion: That you're not gay?

Mamoru: NANI!? No, not about that.

Bastion: So the deal with you and Fior-

Mamoru:  NO!  *Ahem* Anyway, I would to say something about this overcrowded masquerade of so called "biographers" [writers] out there on the electronic murky world of the Internet.

Bastion:  And you're wanting to say?

Mamoru:  I want royalties! I also want to know to why they know so much about my life! Can't I have any privacy anymore!
Quit spying on me!

Bastion:  Uh, Mamoru, you were the love interest of the main character of one of the most popular Japanese Shoujo series in
recent memory.

Mamoru:  <narrows brow>  I was the *co-star*, get your story straight.

Bastion:  But I think if you valued your privacy that much you could have let someone else take that role?

Mamoru:  Baka! It was perfect for me. Besides, Ataru was way too much into this harem stuff, it was unhealthy. He would have
scared away all of the cast. Except Ami.

Bastion:  ........... Huh?

Mamoru:  Also, lest I remind you, I am going to get my sak-, er, cut for doing this, correct? I hope you're not one of those
perjurers and profiteers. Can't they plagiarize someone else's life from the series?

Bastion:  <deadpan>  They do. Anyway, I'm not making any money off this, Mr. Chiba. I'm a fanfiction writer, like most of the
other persons out there writing about you. I mean, isn't pointless to attack your fans by calling them liars and plagiarizers when they aren't making a dime on any of their efforts?

Mamoru:  True enough, but it's akin to spreading false rumors across this wide world web. Like I was bigger than life or
something. Or children in Ethiopia learned to watch TV to get through the everyday drudgery of their lives because of my show.

Bastion:  Uh, wasn't the show named aft-

Mamoru:  I may have billions and billions of fans and more temples in my name than Buddha, but I still have my feet firmly
on the ground. I don't want people to get a false impression of me when they meet me in real life.

Bastion:  Uh, I don't know how to break this to you, Mr. Chiba, but you're fictional. ..... And so is this interview.

Mamoru:  Oh really?  Then I suppose I can say that I've scored at least once with the entire female cast, even Haruka.

Bastion:  Yeah, Mr. Chiba.  You know those falsehoods about her bein' Michiru's "special" friend.

Mamoru:  That is why you're the gullible fan and I'm the all knowing hunk.

Bastion:  I'm sure the men's clothing was a real turn on as well...

Mamoru:  *Ahem* Did mention my aim is world renown?

Bastion:  Errrr, thank you Mr. Chiba for your time and I wish you good luck in eradicating the falsehoods being spread about
your personal life. Such a travesty it is. Really.

Mamoru:  Thank you and I hope I don't ever have to talk to you again.

Bastion: <mutters>  I bet you're gay.

Mamoru:  What?

Bastion:  End interview!


Bastion: eep.


-End of Side 1, flip over to Side 2-

Adios, folks, and really, come on, it's only a stupid parody... <wink>

BTW, it is shoujo, right?  I can never get it right...

Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi and in America by DIC. Do you see any other copyright owners here!  I don't!